Believing is the Battle

August 21, 2013 – Life

           

            As I sit to write in my journal, which I have not done in a long time, I am grateful that it is a requirement for one of my classes because there are some things I need to get off my chest. So let the session begin.

            I struggle with this thing called the single life and my prayer life.  I believe whole-heartedly in prayer, or do I?  I have to set up the background for this. I have come so far and yet haven’t gotten anywhere.  I was abroad for a year and relied solely on God for everything. I left New York with no job, no place to truly live and I was alone and God kept me.  When I got to the foreign land God provided two (2) jobs, a place to live, and friends.  I worried very little because whatever I needed God gave me, all I had to do was ask. I say I believe God could do anything but in my heart do I think it is true. Many people say it is a good thing to be single because (1) no kids to take care, (2) freedom to come and go as I please, (3) no husband to cater to, and (4) I have the time to enjoy my single life. I must admit it all sounds good but I long to have a family, a house full of kids and a husband that loves me as much as he loves the Lord. I desire all these things and I use to pray for them but lately I Have stopped because I don’t believe. In this world we live in Christian men my age are (1) already married, (2) homosexual, or (my favorite) (3) are not in church. So needless to say I have given up hope, but I can’t help but wonder is there still hope. Is there a man out there that God has designed especially for me or is His hope for me to be single. If that is the case why place such a desire in my heart for family? Why not give the desires of Paul? Paul was a man okay with being single because it gave him the time he needed to preach the Gospel. 

August 22, 2013 – Scripture

            As I was reading the bible today Mark 11:24 stuck out to me. I have heard this verse tons of times but today it was screaming at me and not to me.  The verse talks about the equality (in my opinion) of praying and believing that you have received what you’ve ask. I need to apply this scripture to my life in the following ways: (1) I need to understand what it is to have faith in Christ, (2) when I pray I need to believe that it will be answered because my doubt hinders my prayer request no matter how much God may want to fulfill them, and (3) just as equally I need to pray more and leave it with God.